main goals when going to a friends house:
-don’t clog toilet
I don’t think anyone understands how hard it is going through life with only one close friend. It’s… It’s…It’s just nearly impossible to do. I used to have a ton of friends! We’d go out every weekend, have sleep overs and laugh at the littlest things. The most terrifying thing is, I managed to lose them all in one night. One stupid night of arguing over stupid shit that I couldn’t prevented. But what did i do instead? I argued right back. From there, I spiraled out of control. No, I didn’t try to get them back…no..i didn’t self harm…I guess.. It was a different kind of harm. One you couldn’t see..only assume. I’d lurk around school, head down, hair a mess. Then I’d come home, sleep for hours on end and If I woke up….I’d do anything to go back to sleep. I know…what I’m about to say next is a huge jump from what most people do when they lose a friend, or in my case a few friends. They’re just simple… slip it in take a drink and you’re gone. Into a new world of numbing silence. You’d fly into a world where no one exists, and all see is yourself…laying there…silent, staring right back at you. And when you finally fall asleep, you feel as if you’ll never wake up. I didn’t have a problem with that… the never waking up part..
It came to the point where taking one wasn’t enough..but 5 was… Have you ever heard stories from people who were in a comma but have woken up? Well, you’re about to. 2 days.. 2 days of deafening slumber. Scientist call it an outer body experience.. I could see myself, sleeping I could see my parents walking in and out of my room checking on me. but I wasn’t awake… I’d answer them… but I wasn’t alive. I was a body, a limp body doing nothing… listening to my own breathing. 2 days of not moving, eating, seeing the sun…2 days of darkness…completely..alone in my own mind…that is the scariest part. I fought my thoughts.. am I trying to die? Or am I trying to survive?
The answer I’ll never know, but I woke up from the trance, nothing in the world was better than it was two days ago, but one things for certain, I can say that I’m out of an escape method and I don’t know how else to escape this harsh reality..